My time as the Dance and Performance Associate at the Southbank Centre is over... now the next phase of my career begins.
I am home! And I really can't wait to get started!
I have a busy week. This morning I have a meeting with Doug Scard a website designer from a company called Sputnik. The rest of the day is to catch-up on little things like bills etc.
Tomorrow is when I start to put together the dance event I will be curating. I am very excited about it! The wonderful thing about what is happening is that I am using the thoughts and intuition I have to create my own work. I am placing me at the centre of everything I do. It's something that everyone is going to have to get used to.
Last Thursday night, I was literally on my way out of the door to get on the train home when I received a phone call. The nature of the phone call was...
"There's a little show that's happening tomorrow, and I can't make it. Stay in London and help me out"...
That one sentence has been the root of my artistic problems for the last 10 years. I was always the person that other artists thought of when the crap has hit the fan and they need someone to bail them out. Which you would think would be a good thing... you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours....
Except that never occurred. Over time I stopped being considered for the jobs I can actually do... dancer, choreographer, teacher, mentor... I was placed in a box and brought out on those "bail out" occasions where there wasn't anyone good enough to solve the problem and get the job done to an extremely high standard. And the worse part of this situation? I was complicit in it....
(In fact, over time it didn't even occur to me that in order to jump into a project at the last minute, solve all the problems and produce beautiful work that others were proud to put their name to takes an enormous amount to talent, which I have! Imagine what I could do if I was to give myself the time to think and work along with the resources I need to create my own art!!)...
I enabled others to place me in the box and I agreed to coming out only when the conditions were "right".When others felt it necessary to have the expert help needed to resolve the situation and get all the credit in the process they would call Bail Out Pauline or B.O.P. for short. It's a term that I created and in time even started to refer to myself willingly... and over time that became my "theme".
Everyone has a theme... even if you don't know it, you have one. In script terms it's the "over-arc storyline". The theme that ties your whole life together, it's the message that you give out to others... mine was to bail others out. Bit like the A-Team... "If you have a problem.... you can hire Bail Out Pauline...." except I wasn't clever enough to charge people at least the going rate to "help" them out. I fell into the trap of waiting for the next opportunity to "help" others.... and the time between those moments over time became more and more extended. As time passed my artistry became diminished and with that my determination, my confidence and total 100% belief in me and my abilities eroded into near nothing.... B.O.P. became nothing more than a joke.... And I'm proud to say B.O.P. no longer exists. She is dead. I have exorcised her from my artistic soul. And I am glad.
Since March this year I have been on a journey to become myself again... I have come home and I am a new person, a new dance artist. The world is going to have to get used to it. I got a plan... and I WILL be achieving my goals. My new theme?.... Pauline Mayers is The Bedrock Foundation... I am using my artistry, my experiences and my intuition as the bedrock to create my own work. My work is paramount. And I will succeed.
No comments:
Post a Comment