Intimidation

Yesterday, I awoke and watched ghost Whisperer. It's an ok supernatural thriller from the US. To be honest, it's not particularly entertaining and I wasn't very sure why I was watching it... I don't usually.

As my mind wandered, my thoughts fell on to the events of the day before.

After the whirlwind that is London and the Southbank Centre, I guess what I felt yesterday was the come down from the biggest career rush I've had in years. And it wasn't good.

As I walked home from Meanwood in the blazing June sunshine I was suddenly aware that for my creativity to blossom I might need to be elsewhere. I wasn't sure how to feel about that outside of the realisation that for me to follow my creative path I must start to place myself in certain situations... certainly out of the dance sphere. It's something I have been slowly doing over the last few years... an almost imperceptible shift into the realm I have always wanted to be part of.... theatre and movement.

I have a fascination with words and voice. I sing in a band and have done for the last 10 years. I act (the last play I was in was Shakespeare's Othello 18 months ago)... I enjoy the experience of verbal communication regardless of the scenario. Be it through theatre or in the bar in a debate about life, the universe and everything in between, it's a part of me that I would love to explore further.

In the early evening I had a meeting with a fellow dance colleague. Someone I enjoy talking to partly due to her honesty which seems to be a rarity in a small dance scene. I can get on with honesty. Good, bad or indifferent when you have an honest person in front of you who speaks from the heart there is always room for discussion and debate. And it's in these spoken moments that art bursts into new life....

The discussion we had went from me wanting to try to get something started and asking for support on it to how there are people in the dance community who find me "intimidating" and how I should find ways to temper and censor myself to fit in with said people... all in the blink of an eye.

People are incredible creatures.. a mass ball of experiences, emotions and insecurity that will come out in the most bizarre and surreal ways all presented in a respectful manner. I have no doubt that my colleague felt she was helping me out by talking about this "situation". However, these circumstances are faceless. They have no name and are apparently too intimidated to speak to me about what makes me... well, intimidating!

The upshot of the conversation was that for me to be able to work I would need to temper my actions and thoughts to meet the needs of the faceless artists who are unable to speak to me about what it is that is upsetting them... interesting.

As I said earlier, I love communication and I love debate. Discussion creates Art. As I found myself being embroiled in playschool tactics in the dance community, at precisely and exactly the same moment unknown to me during the meeting I received a call... from the West Yorkshire Playhouse. They would like me to do some research and development with them on a possible idea for a show. Apparently, they don't find me intimidating at all...

My interest in theatre and movement continues unabated. And I will not let the insecurities of faceless others get in my creative way.